You cannot be second.

This phrase needs to be the most important phrase you think each and every day.  While it should always be a phrase you tell yourself, it becomes so much more vital when you are experiencing depression or any other mental illness.  You must be willing to put yourself first.

I am the type of person who genuinely loves to make others happy.  It makes me feel joy knowing that I, even in some small way, can bring joy to other people.  And many times I put that above the desire to bring happiness to myself.  Who am I kidding?  It is almost all times.  I like to say it is both my best and worst quality.  When I love and care for someone or something, I do it with my entire being; which is sometimes the most rewarding thing or the most absolutely devastating thing when it is not reciprocated.

Sometimes when I am going through a difficult situation, I expect others to put my needs first in the way that I do with them.  Life lesson: 99% of humanity does not operate that way.  And that’s OK!  But I did it know this is how things worked or that it was OK for a very long time.  It brought on a lot of resentment towards people throughout my life.  Now?  Well, now I’m realizing they’re just putting themselves first and it should be alright for me to do that too.

While experiencing depression, I had no idea how to help myself.  I was so trapped in my own mind that I could not even begin to decide what would be something that would help me.  And this is why I looked to others to guide that process.  Then got upset when they did not have answers because they wanted to respect my own processes and healing.  I just figured they did not care as much as I felt they should.

But through everything I knew something had to change.  And knew that it ultimately had to come from me.  So one day, it randomly popped in my head “you cannot be second.”  Since I have had this thought I have been able to slowly but surely believe that.  I cannot be second.  Not only for my own health, but if I want to continue to want to make the people in my life happy then I must first be happy and satisfied in my own life.  If I truly care about those around me, and I do I really do, then I must be the best version of myself so that what little potential positivity and happiness I am able to give them, I can do so with no obstacles.

This is why I have bought in and realized “you cannot be second.”  What will be your motivation?

 

-mnw

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